just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
