guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
