You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
