If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
