I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
