I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
