Me. At least after what I've been through.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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