Buhtt sex?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
