I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
