You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
