Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
