Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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