Im at strip club and am horny
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
