dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
