i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dont even know how to be here
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
