Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
