I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
