I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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