i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
