apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
