you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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