this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
