How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
