hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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