Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
