got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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