If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
