I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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