Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
