He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
