he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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