What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
