dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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