i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
