Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
