I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
