On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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