so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Mom said you looked used
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
