oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
