____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize