i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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