Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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