we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
