bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
