is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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