I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
vagina is talking i cant
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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