Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your penis caused this!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
