i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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