Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
