I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
